A Season of Faith's Perfection

Was thinking about seasons of life. Fun here. Here we are, people talking about me. Telling me the demeanor of going bizarre in this world. I find it ridiculous, cuz its not me who is changing. It’s what they want from me.
First, they chopp me into pieces. Play with my soul. Play with what we call friendship and then say they don’t know what they have done. What in the world I am, their friend ? a target to lose always ? oh dear god have mercy on me.
What more do you need to say, you are still their friend. Well of course you are. But I can’t be just a machine to sit back and do or feel nothing when there is no faith. You cannot be so convinced.

The darkness of the shadows, haunts me, follows me
scared of my own decisions, I cried out
but did you listen?
no,
you stood there,
confused,
starring,
watching,
observing every move,
I have no one but myself,
"I can do it",
I try and tell myself,
but the cuts tell me different,
what am I to do with all these dreams..
unsaveable, unfixable,
broken with every care in my heart, 
do I have a heart anymore
can I show love anymore, 
can I smile without hiding how I really feel,
it goes on and on and I have nothing, 
no one...... yea no one. 
Joy of loving someone,
I cry all the time when I rem this.

As I said in beginning, there is fun ! but it’s not a fun. Losing hope. Traumatized all the time and the sulking in the corner is not a fun !

To be me, truly me what I want ? I want things to be like before. I still miss that. I miss all that stuff what I used to share and take the joy in sharing. Please don’t make me like this, I aint liking it. I cant take this nymore.

Far Standing,
I see your smile,
Those enchanting words,
I can hear in my ears,
Breathing,
I can listen it in heart beats.
I am not too far from you.
Just look around,
am with you.
I sometimes miss badly,
I wish I would have enough patience to keep my hopes float. Still counting on you.
Sante.